


Like So Much Desire

by MostPreciousTreasures



Category: Emma (2020), Emma - Jane Austen
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, College, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, Making Out, Pining, Smut, This Also Goes Out To All The Bisexual Ladies With A Lot Of Feelings, This One Goes Out To Everyone Who's Ever Watched Their Crush Kiss Someone Else
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:15:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25046740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MostPreciousTreasures/pseuds/MostPreciousTreasures
Summary: George frowned a little, but it was a special frown that turned into a small smile that showed his dimples. It was a look usually reserved for Emma. “Did you eat anything?”“I’m an adult.”“Yeah but are you an adult who had dinner?”“I had...pizza.”“That sounds...vague. And unsatisfying.”“Yeah, well,” retorted Emma, “It had tortellini on it, so.”
Relationships: George Knightley/Emma Woodhouse
Comments: 20
Kudos: 133





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [violetsandbirches](https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetsandbirches/gifts).



> This is for violetsandbirches who asked for "a modern AU at a carnival/circus/fair" on my [Seasonable Weather](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23508460/chapters/57123688#workskin) post. The carnival appears in the next chapter!
> 
> The title is take from [Like So Much Desire](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsQKaYe_sxc) by Flock of Dimes

**Friday**

  
  


“Emma!”

Emma smiled when she saw Harriet waving excitedly amongst a cluster of pastel balloons. The two girls hugged giddily, spinning in a circle as they laughed. Over their heads hung a big sign that said “WE’LL MISS YOU HARRY” (a mistake by the print shop). 

“You can’t go Harriet,” sighed Emma, already feeling tears prickling at the back of her eyes. “What will I do without you?”

“Em!,” giggled Harriet as she rubbed her hands up and down her friend’s back, “I’ll be back in January!”

“But you’ll be gone the whole summer too, and Berlin is so far away!”

“You said you would come visit in August!”

Rob, Harriet’s boyfriend, appeared then with several beers in hand. “Oh good - I’m glad you’re here Emma. Keep telling Harriet how much you’ll miss her and how studying abroad is a scam and a waste of money.”

“Oh my god - you’re both _terrible_!,” cried Harriet.

Emma cupped Harriet’s heart-shaped face and pressed a quick kiss to her cheek before wandering over to say hello to Annie and West.

“Ah Emma! Fashionably late as always,” smiled West. His words were arch but they were said with much warmth and good-humor. 

“Har har,” said Emma dryly, “Is George here? He didn’t leave already did he?”

“He was with me and Rob in the kitchen a few minutes ago,” replied Annie, raising her voice as Sean Paul’s “Temperature” was turned up to an ear-aching throb.

Emma began to weave her way through the crowded space. The party was being held at Rob’s off-campus house that he rented with West, George, and two other guys Emma didn’t know very well. The rambling Gingerbread Victorian was sweet and quirky during the daytime, but it was almost hazardous during a rowdy college party. Every nook, cranny, and doorway seemed to reveal a never ending stream of classmates, creating a series of physical and social obstacles between Emma and her destination. She got caught in a conversation with the long-winded Hetty Bates for fifteen minutes and was only able to escape by pretending that she had to go to the bathroom.

Emma slipped into the kitchen and breathed a sigh of relief to be away from drunk acquaintances and booming, bass-heavy music. She glanced around, noticing dented bottle caps, half-empty beers, and family-style chip bags littering the counters. A lone balloon had wandered in from the living room and there were a couple of pizza boxes set open on the stovetop. But no sign of George.

Emma went over to the stove to peruse the pies and selected a slice covered with cheese-filled tortellini. It was lukewarm, but still delicious.

From her new position, Emma now had a view of the door that led onto the back porch. The outside door had been propped open to encourage people to smoke outside, while the screen door remained closed to keep out the bugs. It was dark out but the porch lights cast a cozy glow over the backyard. Suddenly George stepped into her line of sight, facing away from her, and she began to call out to him. But then he shifted a little and a slender arm wrapped around his shoulders. He was moving his head and…

Emma dropped her pizza. She swore softly and bent to pick it up, remaining crouched down as she moved toward the trash can like a terrified crab. Then she crawled out of the kitchen and ran back to the living room.

“I just saw George making out with someone on the back porch,” she whispered furiously to Harriet when she found her.

Harriet’s eyes bulged out of their sockets. “With _who_?!”

Emma shook her head and shrugged, feeling a little lightheaded. “I don’t know, I didn’t see.”

“ _Hmm_.” Then Harriet was pushing past partygoers and heading determinedly for the kitchen.

“Harriet no - ,” gasped Emma as she turned to follow her tipsy friend. But it was too late. Harriet had disappeared behind the kitchen’s saloon-style doors before Emma could catch her.

Harriet popped back out into the hallway a moment later, her hands pressed to her cheeks in a perfect impression of Kevin McCallister. “Wow.”

“Who is it?”

“It’s _Jane Fairfax_!,” said Harriet.

Jane Fairfax. 

Jane had recently transferred to Highbury College from the neighboring all-women’s college and was something of a minor celebrity on campus. Her parents were rock stars who had died in a tragic plane crash (or something of the sort) and she was a scholarship visual arts student who had already done solo shows in Los Angeles, New York, and London. Her Instagram account was teaming with thousands of followers and there was a rumor that she was friends with Timothée Chalamet. Emma had actually known about her for a long time - they had been mutuals on Tumblr when they were in high school. Jane would always post unfinished watercolors overlaid with quirky drawings or washed-out polaroid scans of moody gardens and antique stores. But that was a long time ago, and Emma had barely spent any time with Jane in real life. She seemed to mostly hang out with the Art Building cool kids, whom Emma had always found secretly intimidating. But West had become friends with her within the last year - West seemed to be friends with everyone - and slowly Jane had begun to appear more and more in Emma’s social sphere.

“I didn’t know George even knew her or anything,” said Emma, her eyes darting towards the kitchen doors.

“I think they had a class together this semester,” said Harriet with an air of gleeful conspiracy, “I saw them working at the library together recently.”

“Huh.”

Emma and Harriet peered quietly back into the kitchen, watching as tongues were slipped into mouths and George’s hands swept under Jane’s hair to grip the back of her head.

“Oh my god her hand is on his ass!,” exclaimed Harriet.

Emma turned away and stepped back into the hallway. It felt wrong to watch them - but not for any moral reasons really. She kind of felt...nauseous? Or something. Her stomach felt jittery.

“Wow. Wow. I can’t wait to tell West about this,” said Harriet.

Emma followed Harriet back to the living room. She grabbed a random beer from one of the many strategically-placed coolers around the party while Harriet delivered the big gossip to their friends.

“Oh shit, really? I never would have thought he was Jane’s type,” said West.

“No I totally called it,” insisted Annie, “I saw him comment on one of her Instagram selfies last month and I was like ‘Interesting.’ I told Emma about it - Emma don’t you remember? I was like, ‘I think George has a crush on Jane.’ ”

“Oh, I thought you were joking.”

“No I was totally serious!”

“Guys, guys,” interrupted Rob, “They’re coming back.” 

George and Jane walked in then, unnoticed by the rest of the party save for Emma, Harriet, Rob, West, and Annie who were all watching the pair like they were the most thrilling movie they had ever seen. Jane’s cheeks were stained with a charming blush and she looked shyly around the room as she tucked a lock of her dark hair behind an ear. George was holding a PBR and grinned brightly when he saw his friends squashed together on the floral, second-hand couches from Rob’s grandmother.

“Look away! Look away!,” stage-whispered a giddy West.

Annie rolled her eyes. “He’s already seen us.”

George made a beeline for them and perched on an armrest next to Emma.

He smiled down at her. “I was wondering where you were.”

“That’s funny,” said West, unable to contain himself, “Because we were wondering where _you_ were!”

Harriet burst into a short laugh while Annie tried to shush her and Rob smirked at his roommate. Emma averted her eyes and took a sip of her beer.

George, seemingly oblivious to the giggles around him, furrowed his eyebrows. “I thought you didn’t like IPAs?”

“Oh,” said Emma as she pulled the bottle away to look at its label, “I guess I wanted to try again.”

George frowned a little, but it was a special frown that turned into a small smile that showed his dimples. It was a look usually reserved for Emma. “Did you eat anything?”

“I’m an adult.”

“Yeah but are you an adult who had dinner?”

“I had...pizza.”

“That sounds...vague. And unsatisfying.”

“Yeah, well,” retorted Emma, “It had tortellini on it, so.”

The group stayed on the couches for a while, just laughing and talking. Emma wanted to savor it, wanted desperately to savor this time with all her friends before they split up for the summer. But she felt oddly numb and had trouble focusing on the conversation. She kept thinking about the heat of George’s body pressed against her shoulder. And she couldn’t stop looking over at Jane Fairfax. She was standing in a corner with some of the artsy kids who wore chunky shoes and black mesh and had blunt TERF bangs - like the pretentious Augusta Hawkins.

Eventually the party dwindled and emptied out. Emma lost track of Jane. The boys disappeared - most likely to smoke weed - while Harriet marveled over a photo album Annie and Emma had made for her as a “going-away” present.

“Oh no - my glasses!,” cried Annie as Harriet reverently turned each page, “Purple is not a good look for me.”

Emma giggled and glanced up to see George leaning against the doorway, watching them with crossed arms and a soft smile. He came over after a moment and tapped Emma’s ankle gently with his foot. “Do you want me to drive you home?”

“No!,” gasped Harriet in mock horror as she flung an arm across Emma’s body, “She must stay.”

“You want Emma to sleep on a lumpy couch while all her roommates sleep on real beds with their boyfriends?”

“Yes!”

George chuckled in defeat but Emma stood up anyway. “I’ll just get a Lyft or something. You can’t drive me home.”

“ _I_ can’t drive you home? Why?”

“Because you’ve been smoking.”

“I was doing the dishes!”

Rob and West ambled back in, smelling dank and ready to defend George’s honor (“He walked by us while taking out the trash and we made fun of him for not doing drugs with us”). Then there was more laughing and joking until Will Larkins popped his head into the living room and asked everyone to be a little more quiet because he had to get up for work tomorrow, thank you.

“Come on Em,” said George, while tugging at one of her wrists, “I’ll even give you full control over the aux cord.”

Everyone stood and stretched and movements were made to collect shoes and purses and West yelled “Brunch! Tomorrow?!” before everyone had sorted themselves and settled down enough to call it a night. George led Emma out to his used Honda and they settled in for the short drive back to the Highbury campus. Emma plugged her phone into the speakers and hit shuffle - regretting it instantly when Kate Bush’s rendition of “Sexual Healing” came blaring out.

“I didn’t know she did covers,” remarked George mildly.

“Ha yeah,” said Emma as she stared out the window in exquisite embarrassment.

_And baby, I can't hold it much longer_

_It's getting stronger and stronger_

Emma fiddled with her seatbelt. “So, Jane?”

George glanced at her before returning his eyes to the road. “Ah. Did Rob say something?”

“No - I saw you. On the porch.”

“You saw us? Oh.”

“Not on purpose,” said Emma quickly, “But, yeah.”

George nodded and they were both quiet as the sound of uilleann pipes filled the car.

“Are you, like, dating?”

George swallowed. “No. I mean, we hooked up last weekend. But we aren’t dating.”

“Oh okay. Cool,” said Emma. _Cool?_ It didn’t feel even remotely cool.

“It was just making out.”

“I don’t need details!,” cried Emma, more loudly than she intended to.

“Sorry.”

They were silent once more as they pulled up to Emma’s on-campus apartment. George turned the car off, even though he didn’t need to.

“Is this weird?,” he asked quietly.

“Why would it be?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then it’s not weird,” declared Emma, reaching for the door handle.

George made a weak attempt at a smile. “I heard something about brunch tomorrow.”

Emma laughed lightly - it was a dry sound. “If West wakes up in time.”

“But I’ll see you at the Carnival at night?”

Emma looked over at him with a critical eye. “You hate the Spring Carnival.”

“Yeah well, it’s my last Spring Carnival to hate.”

Emma snorted. “Goodnight George.”

“Goodnight Em.”

Emma let herself into her apartment which, unsurprisingly, was dark and empty with want of Annie and Harriet. She made herself some tea and changed into her coziest pajamas. Then she did a mud mask and ate a piece of cookie butter toast (or two) while watching _What We Do in the Shadows_. She didn’t question her self-soothing tactics or what the reason was behind them.

She crawled into bed when she got tired, picking up her phone to look at the text messages that had accumulated over the course of the night.

  
  


**Harriet at 5:45 PM:**

What are you wearing tonight? Should I wear platform clogs?

**Harriet at 6:30 PM:**

I decided to wear platform clogs

**Annie T at 7:15 PM:**

Are you on your way? Do you need George to pick you up?

**Call From GK at 7:19 PM**

**GK at 7:21 PM:**

Do you need me to pick you up?

**West at 8:22 PM:**

EmMA! Where are u

**West at 8:24 PM:**

Nvm I see u ;)

**Harriet at 1:15 AM:**

What did G say about Jane??? I NEED details

**Harriet at 1:25 AM:**

He just came back. What did he say???

**Harriet at 1:26 AM:**

DARE I ask HIM???????

**GK at 1:40 AM:**

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkXOtelmxOo ****

**GK at 1:40 AM:**

This version is good too


	2. Chapter 2

**GK at 6:10 PM:**

Hey are you here? We’re near the Ferris wheel

**GK at 6:19 PM:**

I got you a cotton candy

**GK at 6:40 PM:**

Are you okay?

  
  


**Saturday**

  
  


“Order 2210! Cherry pie funnel cake with vanilla ice cream!”

Emma reached up to the food truck for her fried treat. “Thanks!”

She licked a drop of cherry pie filling from her thumb as she walked through the Carnival in search of her friends. They were going to make fun of her again for being late, but she wasn’t in the mood to care much.

Highbury College was situated in Highbury County and every year the surrounding towns came together to put together the Spring Carnival. It was a massive thing that ran for two weeks and included rides, strange and exciting food combinations, and all kinds of games and special events. Emma and her group of friends had attended it every year they had been at college - she and Harriet often went multiple times when it was open.

Emma had thought a good night’s sleep would restore her excitement for the outing, but it hadn’t. She still felt weird when she thought about George and Jane kissing, but she didn't know why. Though she did have to admit that she had been feeling kind of down for a while in general.

She turned a corner and came upon the Ferris wheel, her heart dropping when she saw all of her friends gone save for George. 

“Hey,” she said as she walked up to him.

He looked up at her. “Hey.”

“I’m so sorry I’m late. You didn’t have to stand here the whole time. Where is everybody?”

George made a vague hand motion. “Around. Harriet and Annie are doing arcade games over there.”

“Oh.”

They were quiet as Emma took a bite of her funnel cake. “You said something about cotton candy?”

He raised an eyebrow at her snack then turned his gaze to the ground. “West ate it. But it seems like you weren’t exactly jonesing for it.”

Emma studied George for a moment. She could feel a wave of medium-grade annoyance coming off him. “Are you mad at me?”

He shook his head, still staring at the ground. Then he let out a breath and rubbed at his eyes quickly, like the bright lights of the Carnival were bothering him.

“I’m not mad.”

“You seem mad.”

George somehow made a shrug seem passive-aggressive. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“If you’re mad at me, I want you to say that you’re mad at me.”

“Okay! I’m a little mad at you Emma!,” he snapped, his voice rising louder on her name. “We waited - I don’t know - like half an hour for you to get here?,” he finished in a slightly softer, but still stern tone.

Emma felt a weird tickling feeling in her throat - the feeling she only got when she was about to cry. “I said I was sorry.”

He stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Yeah, okay.”

Suddenly her delicious funnel cake tasted like nothing more than cheap, hot grease. While she was contemplating if she should throw it away or give it to West, George spoke up again.

“It’s my last year, Emma,” he said quietly.

She blinked up at him. “I know that.”

George rubbed his face again and looked over to where Harriet was ferociously playing Whac-A-Mole. When he turned back to Emma his usually bright blue eyes were dark, and a little sad. “I just feel like...we’re maybe not as close as we used to be?”

“The group?”

He shook his head. “You and me.”

Emma didn’t know what to say. Or how she felt. George’s eyes flickered over her face as he watched her expression fall. He stepped a little closer.

“You haven’t really been answering my texts lately - ”

“I was getting ready for the party last night and I’ve been doing homework all - ”

“Not just this weekend,” he said firmly, “All semester. I feel like we haven’t spent any time together in a long time - just the two of us. You didn’t even invite me to come home with you for Spring Break this year.”

“You never said anything,” said Emma, a little tartly, before walking over to a nearby trash can to dispose of the hateful funnel cake. George followed her, waiting patiently while she brushed powdered sugar from her hands. “And I thought you would be too busy with classes or your senior project.”

“I wasn’t too busy. Why didn’t you just talk to me about it?”

Emma crossed her arms, hugging herself a little. She felt the tickling in her throat become more insistent.

George sighed heavily. “I don’t want to keep making you apologize. I just - you’re my best friend. It feels like you’re pulling away before I’m even gone. And now with the Jane thing...I know you don’t like her very - ”

“I like Jane!”

He barked out a harsh laugh. “You’re such a liar.”

Something about the tone of his voice made the throat tickling reach its breaking point and a few rogue tears began to leak from her eyes. “Um. I -” She brought her hand up to her face to try to hide the tears, but he had already heard the wobble in her voice.

“Oh Em - ”

“No! I’m fine,” she said, but a few more tears still trickled out.

George looked back at their friends and then pulled Emma behind an animal balloon cart. He used his body to block her from view while she dried her face.

She looked up at him again when she felt more or less under control. “Do I look okay?”

He licked his thumb and wiped a smudge of mascara from her cheek. “All good.”

She caught his hand when he pulled it back, lacing their fingers together. “I’m really sorry. I think I probably have been avoiding you.”

He nodded sadly and squeezed her hand. “It’s okay.”

“It’s just that, you and Annie and Rob are all graduating. And Harriet will be gone…” she fanned her face with both hands to keep from crying again.

“Harriet won’t be gone for that long, and I’ll come visit as often as I can. I’ll only be an hour away.”

She sighed. “Okay.”

“Do you want to go back to everyone?”

“Yeah.”

He grinned at her then. “You always pout after you cry.”

They joined up with Harriet and Annie shortly after, the four of them walking around until they found West and Rob waiting in line for a fairly rinky-dink haunted house. Even though it felt out of place at a “Spring” Carnival, they all heartily enjoyed it. They marveled at the carefully placed store-bought cobwebs and cardboard witch’s cauldrons. Even George, who rolled his eyes for most of the event, was genuinely scared by the identical triplets with chainsaws.

When they came out there was discussion over what to do next, which succeeded in leading West and George into a lively argument about if Ferris wheels were actually “good” or not. George had just finished stating his theory that they were only fun if you were on a date or in a relationship (otherwise, in his opinion, they were boring as hell and there was way too much time spent just idling in the air) when West turned to him with a shit-eating grin and said “It’s funny you should say that, because look who’s here.”

They all followed West’s line of sight to where Jane Fairfax was standing at the custom airbrushed t-shirt booth with some of her friends. George’s eyes widened and he blushed a bit, stuffing his hands in his pockets and hunching his shoulders in an apparent attempt to disappear.

“Go talk to her, we’ll wait,” said West.

George locked eyes with Emma and then quickly looked away. “I’m not doing that. You’ll all be watching and it will be weird.”

“That’s fine,” said Annie, “Because she’s coming over right now.”

"Shit."

“Hey,” came Jane’s sweet voice.

George blushed even more and turned to her. “Hey.”

The rest of the group looked at each other and wordlessly dispersed. West pulled Annie away to the Ferris wheel while Emma went with Rob and Harriet to a bank of prize-winning games. She and Harriet tried their hand at a round of ring toss before watching Rob attempt to throw a series of balls into some complicated hoops. He missed every time.

Emma whispered to Harriet, “Does Rob know you were, like, a fastpitch softball champion in high school?”

“Shhh,” said Harriet, “He really wants to win me that pink bear.”

They both chuckled and Emma relaxed. She looked around the fair, savoring the colors and lights and the exciting feeling of the night air. Then her eyes landed on George, who was still talking to Jane. They were smiling and laughing and Jane touched his arm playfully. Suddenly, Emma felt like she’d had more than enough of the Carnival.

“Hey Harriet, I think I’m going to go home.”

“Oh no really?”

“Yeah, I have a headache.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

Emma was about to say that she would be fine, that campus was only a fifteen minute walk away, when George appeared and looked mildly concerned. “What’s wrong?”

“Emma feels tired and wants to go,” answered Harriet.

He nodded and turned to Emma. “I’ll take you home.”

“No you - ”

“It’s fine,” he said, smiling, “I was getting tired too.”

Resistance was futile. They said goodnight to Rob and Harriet and then made their way to the parking lot. George didn’t mention Jane on the way back and Emma was glad of it. He turned to her at one point and asked, “Are you hungry?”

“Yes.”

“Burritos? Chinese?”

“Yes.”

That made him laugh and Emma grinned. They stopped at a Mexican restaurant near the Highbury campus and got their burritos, along with a large amount of guacamole and chips. She didn't invite him in when they reached her apartment. But she didn’t have to - he turned off the car and followed her in. It all felt natural and right like it always used to.

They settled on the couch in the living room and Emma took a bite of her steak burrito with immense relish. George watched her with a twinkle in his eye before Emma swatted him away. “I will not be judged in my own home.”

“I wasn’t judging you,” he laughed, “It’s fun to watch you eat.” 

Emma got her laptop when they finished their food and George looked for something for them to watch. He settled on an early Hitchcock movie and they turned off the lights for more atmosphere. Emma noticed they had somehow migrated closer together on the couch, though the leather monstrosity she and Annie had bought off of Craigslist could easily fit three or more people. She felt an unnamed contentment as she found George’s arm around her and his hand casually on her knee.

But it did not last very long. When they were only ten minutes into the movie George’s phone buzzed and he glanced down at it, then promptly put it away.

Emma tensed a little when his arm wrapped around her waist again. “Was that Jane?”

George slouched down into the couch a little more and moved Emma’s legs so that they now rested in his lap. “Um, yeah.”

Emma turned back to the laptop. “Oh.”

He paused. “We talked about maybe hanging out tonight but - ”

“You should go,” said Emma.

She felt him watching her, but she couldn’t see him very well in the dark. “...Do you want me to go?,” he asked softly.

She shrugged. “If you want to hang out with her, you should.”

He was quiet for a bit, then she felt his hands on her thighs. “Okay,” he said, as he moved her off his lap gently and stood from the couch. They cleaned up the remnants of their meal and Emma walked him to the door. George looked like he wanted to say something, but he didn’t. Then they shared an awkward hug and he was gone.

Emma sat back on the couch and stared at the paused image of the movie they had been watching. _You should go_. Why did she say that? She hadn’t wanted him to go. They had just spent several hours together, yet she already missed him _so_ much. 

_Oh_.

Emma stood up and walked into her room, then back into the living room. Then she walked into the kitchen and ate the rest of the guacamole. Afterwards she sat back on the couch and stared at her phone for probably five minutes. Then, finally, she picked it up.

**Emma Woodhouse at 9:02 PM:**

Can you come back?

**GK at 9:02 PM:**

Are you okay?

**Emma Woodhouse at 9:03 PM:**

I’m fine, I just wanted to talk about something

**GK at 9:03 PM:**

Is it important? Do you want to call?

**GK at 9:03 PM:**

I’m in my car outside Jane’s apartment

Emma swallowed back some creeping tears. _Is it important_. This was a terrible idea. Maybe the worst she’d ever had. She put her phone down for a few minutes and tried to do other things. She washed a few dishes and took some deep breaths. She could wait to talk about this. But then she imagined the way George was kissing Jane at Harriet’s party and she knew she couldn’t wait. It was eating her up.

**Emma Woodhouse at 9:15 PM:**

I have a crush on you

**Emma Woodhouse at 9:15 PM:**

I want to try dating

**Emma Woodhouse at 9:16 PM:**

If you want that too

He didn’t answer for a long time and Emma was sure he hadn’t seen the messages at all. He was probably going down on Jane or something.

Then, just as she was starting to get ready for bed, a reply came:

**GK at 9:45 PM:**

By dating, do you mean you want to be in a relationship?

She couldn’t type back fast enough.

**Emma Woodhouse at 9:46 PM:**

Yes

She stared at her phone and watched as George began to type, then stopped. He was quiet again for another long while and Emma was sure she had ruined everything. _I’m so stupid_ , she thought to herself. She was considering what sad music to cry herself to sleep to when he finally texted back.

**GK at 10:15 PM:**

Can we talk about this in person tomorrow?

**GK at 10:15 PM:**

There’s just a lot to think about, for me

**GK at 10:16 PM:**

Is that okay?

**GK at 10:16 PM:**

I’m sorry

**GK at 10:17 PM:**

I know that’s probably not what you want to hear right now

**Emma Woodhouse at 10:17 PM:**

Of course, that’s fine

**GK at 10:19 PM:**

Thank you

**GK at 10:20 PM:**

I’ll text you tomorrow?

**Emma Woodhouse at 10:20 PM:**

Yes

Emma didn’t feel worse - but she didn’t necessarily feel better. If anything, it felt like her inevitable heartbreak was only being delayed. She turned off her phone, took two mint-flavored melatonin tablets, and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 💦

Emma woke up to a sharp knock at her door.

“Em?”

“Mmmph?”

The door opened and Harriet peered in. “Hey did you have plans with George? He texted me saying he’s been trying to reach you.”

Emma’s eyes popped open. “Oh fuck.” She rolled over to grab her phone.

**GK at 11:30 AM:** ****

When do you want to talk today?

**GK at 11:30 AM:**

I was able to get someone to cover my shift at the garden center, so I can do any time

**GK at 12:35 PM:**

Would in an hour work? 

**GK at 2:06 PM:**

Are you angry?

**GK at 2:09 PM:**

Are you having second thoughts?

**Call From GK at 2:20 PM**

“Oh no,” groaned Emma.

Harriet was still hovering nearby with her hand on the doorknob. “Is everything okay?”

Emma sat up and buried her face in her hands. “I told George I had a crush on him last night.”

“Um!,” said Harriet as she ran over and jumped on the bed, “Tell me everything?!”

“There isn’t much to tell,” sighed Emma, “I just...realized I liked him. Seeing him kiss Jane and all that. I don’t know.”

“Hmmm,” said Harriet, eyeing her friend, “Can’t say I’m all that surprised.”

Emma looked up sharply and Harriet laughed, bouncing off the bed. “What! You’ve always spent so much time together. And sometimes you give each other these sort of _looks_. He has those bedroom eyes. Ow!” The pillow Emma had thrown at Harriet flopped to the floor.

The girls looked at each other and giggled. Then Emma groaned and threw herself back on her bed. “What should I do Harriet?”

Harriet placed a hand on her hip and thought for a moment. “Well...I think you should start by texting George back, maybe?”

“Ugh, okay,” Emma grumbled and reached for her phone again.

**Emma Woodhouse at 2:47 PM:**

I’m so sorry George I just woke up 😔

**Emma Woodhouse at 2:47 PM:**

I’m not angry

**Emma Woodhouse at 2:48 PM:**

I haven’t changed my mind

**GK at 2:50 PM:**

I was just worried

**GK at 2:50 PM:**

I feel bad for making you wait

**Emma Woodhouse at 2:51 PM:**

No it's okay! Do you want to come over around 6?

**GK at 2:52 PM:**

Yes

Emma spent the rest of the day obsessively tidying her room and pacing around the living room and kitchen. Annie came home at one point and watched her frenzied routine. Then she gave Emma a _knowing_ look and disappeared upstairs.

When it was just about 6pm, Emma thought she would surely burst out of her skin. Finally, she heard a knock at the front door and rushed to open it.

“Hi,” she said, a little flushed and breathless.

George looked like himself - a touch more tousled than usual maybe. Dressed in an outfit of his preferred neutral, earthy tones: a dark green overshirt, white t-shirt, and khaki pants. He looked up at her shyly when she answered the door. “Hi, he said. Emma could have sworn his eyes had flickered briefly over her high-waisted leggings and loose crop top that revealed part of her stomach and the curve of her hips. But perhaps that was merely wishful thinking.

She brought him to her room, shutting the door softly behind them. She gestured for him to sit on her bed while she stood across the room near her dresser. They were silent for a long time, both of them waiting for the other to speak first.

Emma nervously looked for something to focus on, first adjusting a photo of her and Harriet at a waterpark and then fiddling with a lip gloss. “Were you surprised?”

The corner of George’s mouth quirked up. “A little. But I guess we’ve always had kind of a flirty friendship.”

“Yeah.”

They were quiet again and Emma grew worried. She began to say something, but George spoke up before her.

“I don’t want to beat around the bush, Emma,” he sighed, “I like you too. And it made me really happy to get your text last night.”

Emma felt her face heat up and her heart beat faster. “Oh wow, okay,” she said.

George rubbed his eyes. “So that’s, uh, how I feel.” 

Emma swallowed. “I feel like there’s a ‘but’ coming.”

“Yeah,” he laughed a little, “There is. Can you just - can you come sit down?”

She walked slowly over to the bed and perched beside him. He looked at her for a moment and then began lightly rubbing her back. She couldn’t help the shiver that tingled through her at his touch.

“I want to be with you,” he said quietly, “But are you sure that’s what you really want?”

She frowned at him. “Yes?”

He sighed. “It’s just that, you know, I _was_ a little surprised. As far as I know, you’ve never dated anyone and I’ve never really seen you be seriously interested in someone before.”

Emma was quiet as she mulled over his words. It was true - she _hadn’t_ ever dated anyone. Not really. She’d had a sort of “boyfriend” in high school, Elton, but they only ever went to the movies and he seemed way too into her than she had been comfortable with at the time. She broke up with him after three weeks. In general, she liked her friends and her interests too much to spend a lot of time thinking about romance or looking for someone to date. She had once considered if she were aromantic or asexual or something - but she looked online and didn’t think the definitions really applied to how she felt. She had sexual thoughts and urges. She masturbated and would sometimes watch porn. And she found tons of people attractive - in fact, she’d had a crush on Harriet when the two were first becoming friends. Though that had faded and it was something the two girls would occasionally laugh about. She knew she did want to be in a romantic relationship someday - she just hadn't met the right person yet.

But her relationship with George was different. She’d met him her first week at Highbury College - Annie had been her Orientation leader and had introduced them. For a while she only saw him when she hung out with Annie, but there was a natural ease and spark between them and their friendship quickly grew. Maybe it had only been this year that she’d started having other feelings for him. Maybe those feelings had been lying dormant. She thought of how hot he looked when he took off his shirt while playing soccer with Rob. How gentle yet assured he was when teaching customers at the garden center about plants and soil. When she was with George, she felt comfortable and happy. She just felt _good_ being around him.

“I guess...there hasn’t been anyone else I liked as much as I like you,” answered Emma after a while.

That made him smile and he looked at her fondly, longingly. Then he sighed heavily. “I spent all night thinking, going back and forth. Part of me just wants to say ‘fuck it’ it’ll be fine. But then I keep thinking about all the other stuff.”

“What stuff?”

George’s hand ran up her spine and wrapped gently around the back of her neck. “I’m graduating, but you still have another year. If we’re together Emma, I really want to _be_ together. And this would be your first serious relationship. Are you sure you want to spend your last year of college in a long-distance, committed relationship?”

Emma furrowed her eyebrows. “Is this because I’m a virgin?”

“No Emma - ,” frowned George, his other hand moving up to cup her cheek.

“Because virginity is actually just a concept invented to -”

“Yes,” he laughed, stroking her jaw, “I agree. And I don’t care if you’ve had sex or not.”

“I don’t see a problem then.”

“I just…,” he paused, “I don’t want you to miss out on anything. Any new experiences...or people.”

Emma reached up to adjust the collar of his shirt. “I don’t want to be with other people,” she said firmly.

George looked at her a long moment, his thumb sweeping up to rest at the corner of her mouth. He leaned forward a bit, then paused.

One of Emma’s hands came up to wrap around his wrist. “I’m scared.”

His thumb tugged a little at her bottom lip. “Because this is your first kiss?”

She nodded. “What if I don’t like it?”

“Then we’ll stop,” he murmured as he slowly and carefully pressed his mouth to hers.

She didn’t want to stop. Soon enough she was returning his kiss and urging him to deepen it. Emma backed up on the bed and George settled over her. Emma melted a little inside when she felt him press his pelvis against hers sharply. They kissed a while more, their breathing growing hot and ragged. George’s eyes had gone dark and Emma was sure they were both flushed.

George slowly crept a hand under her shirt and slid it up her stomach. “Is this okay?,” he asked.

“Yes,” she replied, sitting up to remove her top. She wasn’t wearing a bra underneath. George looked at her briefly, but he seemed too eager to be close to her again.

He kissed along her neck slowly, one of his arms moving to wrap around her back. “Should we put on that Kate Bush song you played in my car?,” he asked, a teasing lilt to his voice.

“Oh _no_ ,” groaned Emma, blushing furiously as she covered her face with her hands. 

George chuckled and went back to kissing her, moving down to suck bruises onto the tops of her breasts. His hands moved down to the waistband of her leggings and she lifted her hips as he peeled the fabric down her legs. Her underwear followed soon after and Emma panted as she watched George spread her thighs apart. She could feel how wet she already was and, judging from his gaze, he knew she was too.

“Fuck,” he said under his breath. Then he was seeking her mouth again.

He begged to go down on her and she whimpered and said _yes, yes_. She wanted it so badly. He didn’t waste any time in teasing her or kissing his way down her body, his mouth was just _there_ suddenly and Emma moaned loudly. He sucked at her labia and stroked the length of her and then his lips and tongue were devoting all their attention to her clit. His mouth wasn’t gentle - he seemed determined to make her come as quickly as he could. She asked him to put his fingers inside her and he groaned when he felt her warm wetness stretching around him. He returned his mouth to her clit as he continued to fill her and Emma closed her eyes at the pleasure of it all. But when he withdrew his fingers to play with one of her breasts, she felt an odd warmth where he was touching her. She opened her eyes and looked down to see George’s fingers coated in dark, crimson blood splayed across her stomach.

“George,” she said, raising her voice a little to get his attention.

He lifted his head, eyes widening when he saw the blood. “Oh,” he said.

They both sat up a little. “Should we stop?,” he asked.

Emma thought for a moment. She did feel a faint cramping beginning to come on, but she was so worked up. She wanted to keep going.

“Maybe we could...move to the shower?,” she replied, gesturing at the smears and fingermarks on her breasts and stomach.

They got up from her bed and Emma slipped on a fuzzy robe. She handed George one of her towels and then they crept out into the hall and into the bathroom across from her room. Once inside, Emma suddenly felt a little shy. She busied herself with turning on the water and adjusting the temperature while George removed his clothes behind her. Then she stepped carefully into the shower and George followed her in a minute later. 

They gazed at each other for a moment, then he was bending down to kiss her again. She could feel him getting hard as he wrapped an arm around her waist to bring her against him. They rocked together as they kissed, Emma moaning when he ran his hands all over her body.

“So soft,” he whispered, slipping his tongue into her mouth. He trailed his hand up her thighs as he continued to kiss her. He caressed her stomach and then his hand was moving down, finding her clit and lightly rubbing at it.

“Ohhh,” she sighed as he pressed harder and circled her a little more firmly.

“Are we moving too fast?,” he asked, moving his lips to her neck.

She smirked. “You were just eating me out a moment ago.”

“I didn’t know you had your period a moment ago,” he said wryly.

Emma laughed a little and shook her head. “No - this is nice,” she said as he lightly bit her shoulder.

His fingers moved down to her opening and he curled them slowly inside her. She winced a little but relaxed when he moved his fingers gently, causing a warm pleasure to spread through her pelvis.

“Does that hurt?”

“No,” she moaned, gripping his shoulders, “It’s so good.”

She reached down to touch him as well, savoring the feeling of how hard he was for her. “I wish you were inside of me.”

He closed his eyes as she continued to run her hand up and down his cock, groaning when she squeezed a little harder. “Me too,” he said, running his hand down her back to cup her ass, “But I think we should wait.”

He pressed her against the wall as he continued to fuck her slowly with his fingers. “You’re going to come so hard,” he breathed against her lips, “Just like this.”

Emma moaned as he kissed her, his fingers never stopping. Soon she felt her legs tightening and trembling with the effort of staying upright. George supported her more firmly with his other arm around her back.

“Do you want to touch yourself?,” he asked gently.

She nodded and reached down to rub at her clit while his fingers stayed deep inside her. “Oh,” she sighed, “Oh my god, I’m going to come.”

“Yeah, yeah,” encouraged George as he kissed her neck, “Come for me.”

She cried out a moment later, grinding herself against his fingers as she felt her orgasm take over. George was watching her tenderly when she opened her eyes, wet hair hanging in his face.

“I like watching you come,” he smiled.

“Hmmm,” she sighed, smoothing a hand down his stomach to wrap her fingers around his cock again. “Will you come for me now?”

He nodded, leaning his forehead against hers. He braced his forearms against the shower wall as she continued to stroke him, panting and swearing as he got closer and closer. Emma thought he was so beautiful - maybe the most beautiful he had ever looked - when he finally came in her hand with a deep groan. He laughed sheepishly after, but she just grabbed his face to bring him down for a sweet kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to the [shower masturbation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAO2D0riCDg&list=PL86SiVwkw_oe6YsQ2arlm_p-Bij2h6ltU&index=64&app=desktop) scene from "Love Is Thicker Than Water"

**Author's Note:**

> [George's Link ;)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qkXOtelmxOo)
> 
> [Gingerbread Architecture](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gingerbread_\(architecture\))
> 
> [Kevin McCallister](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Home_Alone#Cast)
> 
> [TERF Bangs](https://www.thecut.com/2018/08/terf-bangs-cultural-history.html)
> 
> Kate Bush's ["Sexual Healing"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7aL3PjNTqwU)
> 
> [Uilleann Pipes](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uilleann_pipes) (Kate Bush uses them in a lot of her songs)
> 
> [What We Do in the Shadows](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_We_Do_in_the_Shadows) which is also now an awesome [TV show](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_We_Do_in_the_Shadows_\(TV_series\)) as well!
> 
> [Cookie Butter](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cookie_butter)


End file.
